Death, Decay and Madness - Yes please!
I came home the other day and was looking for something to watch on the telly to kill some time. I finally found, "The Tomb of Ligeia" (which I've seen before) staring Vincent Price, based on an Edgar Allan Poe story. Let me tell you, as soon as I see the name Vincent Price combined with "Based on Edgar Allan Poe" I'm flipping in immediately. I loved "The House of Usher." It occured to me that I loved this sort of Gothic horror the best, so I wikipedia-ed it:
(from wiki):
Prominent features of gothic fiction include terror (both psychological and physical), mystery, the supernatural, ghosts, haunted houses and Gothic architecture, castles, darkness, death, decay, doubles, madness, secrets and hereditary curses.
The stock characters of gothic fiction include tyrants, villains, bandits, maniacs, Byronic heroes, persecuted maidens, femmes fatales, madwomen, magicians, vampires, werewolves, monsters, demons, revenants, ghosts, perambulating skeletons, the Wandering Jew and the Devil himself.
Important ideas concerning and regarding the Gothic include: Anti-Catholicism, especially criticism of Roman Catholic excesses such as the Inquisition (in southern European countries such as Italy and Spain); romanticism of an ancient Medieval past; melodrama; and parody (including self-parody).

Seriously, does it get any better??

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

Okay, I'm a night owl, so anything before 10am technically classifies as the wee small hours of the morning. Since January, I've had a heck of time waking up. My alarm goes off at 6.15 - if I'm lucky, I'll hear it and get out of bed before my alphabetically organized CD hits songs that start with S.If I'm not lucky, I wake up to silence meaning I have slept through the entire thing. And if I'm really not lucky, I wake up to Jenge standing at my door saying, "Hey, it's 7.45. Are you going into work today??"

So Jenge has been my last resort backup. But she's a teacher and about start holidays in July. Who's gonna get Evil Margarita out of bed (because, dear reader, it's evil Margarita who's in charge that early in the morning and she DOESN'T CARE).

Maybe I can rely on the puppies to wake me up!

I'm so screwed.

I wouldn't have to look at you this way if you just did what you were told

Jealous, I say!
Now, I have a strict "No lying to the doctor" policy, but Dr. Usual was on vacation so I was seeing Dr. Other Guy and I wasn't quite sure that my no lie policy had extended coverage to him. So when he asked me, "How much coffee do you drink?" I said, "I have a cup in the morning."

Which wasn't a lie, per se. I mean, I do have a cup in the morning. Followed by a second cup. Followed by a cup at work, and then maybe some in the evening. . . . Not that he asked ANY follow up questions to my 'cup in the morning' answer.

See, I KNEW what he would say as soon as I told him how much coffee I drink. He'd immediately jump to the conclusion that it was the source of all my troubles. But I've ALWAYS had that much coffee. In fact, I've actually cut back over the last couple of years from my all time high of 7-8 cups a day, chased by 3-4 shots of espresso. So I KNOW that's not my problem. But doctor's don't care how much you know you're body. They will immediately JUMP to the conclusion that coffee is to blame.

And it's not!! They, along with my chiropractor and a select few holistic peeps I know, are jealous of the amount of coffee I can drink in a day and not suffer from jitters, shakiness, nor insomnia. I do suffer from the occasional bout of insomnia, but it CANNOT be traced back to my coffee habit. If anything, it's the nights that I dont' get to relax with a cuppa joe in front of the telly that I toss and turn.

Green with jealousy.

You can lead a horse to water. . . .

It was getting out of hand. I was starting to change my daily plans to make allowances. I was changing what I drank, when I drank it and how much. Because I never knew when it would strike! Oh sure, I could have gone to the doctor weeks ago, I mean, I should have gone right back after I had my allergic reaction to antibiotics before finishing the full course. But I HATE going to the doctor. I'm one of those people that hopes it will all go away. Generally, by the time I tell my doctor I have a problem, it's been going on for years! But now my coffee habits were getting shifted. I was starting to cut back. shudder.

All because I was afraid!! Afraid I would be trapped somewhere and have to pee!!

It was happening all the time!! It was ruining my days, my nights. My coworkers prolly thought I had developed a savage cocaine habit as I was off to the loo every hour on the hour. I could barely make my commute, even in good weather. I had to plan everything around whether there would be a bathroom close by and how much water/coffee I had had to drink.

But I finally made it to my doctor's office today. And then!! Oh the irony!! The twisted cruelty of it all!!

Shy bladder!!

I waited, and waited. Surely, I would have to pee sometime. I specifically drank extra for just such an occasion. La La la, should I get up and turn the tap on. Ack! No can do! someone else just came in. La La La. . . It was a no go. Foiled by my own body.

I had to go back into the doctors' office, my head hung in shame. I had cracked (or rather, I hadn't cracked) under the pressure. There was a five year old getting the same test done. She had no problems. Cruel world.

So they plied me with two extra large glasses of water and I plunked myself down in the waiting room. And waited. And waited. and waited. I was determined!! I was NOT LEAVING UNTIL I SUCEEDED!!

Half an hour later, I had enough 'success' for a test to be run. It was inconclusive. Fascists. Now I have to go for more tests. . . .

This time last year. . .

. . . it was just starting to all go to shit. Seriously. Mum's sister had just passed away and Mum was just about to return from Nova Scotia where she had been with the rest of her family during the last days. We were planning our trip to Cape Breton in October since it had been a LONG time since I had been down east. I was finally gonna see the fall colors of Cabot Trail. Then in June we got a call that mum's brother, Carmie, was in the hospital. So we moved our trip up. Jenge and I each juggled to see if both of us could go. In the end, Jenge couldn't leave work, but it was actually a good time for me. Ann, Mum and I were off to Cape Breton. Then we got the call that Carmie had died. Then Darren, my bro-in-law, got in a car accident and Ann had to cancel. Mum and I went to the funeral down east. Then Jenge called, Dad was sick and in the hospital again. We came home, Dad got out of the hospital. Then Dad went back in the hospital. Then Dad died. And that was that.

You hear alot of platitudes during a time like that. Everything happens for a reason, time heals all, it was his/her/their time. Everyone means well. Everyone wants to be able to say something to you that will make you feel better. And you lie and tell them that they are right, and that their words help, that what they say is true. But really, it's all kinda bullshit, isn't it? I mean we've all been through muck and was there ever anything that anyone said to you that made you feel better about it? Prolly not. But we all keep on keepin on.

Another Day in Doggyland

The emails went like this:

*************************************

From: "Jennifer"

To: "Margarita"

Subject: portia

Date: Mon, 28 May 2007 13:05:51

Just wondering what the doggie movie of the day was at Portia's puppy daycare. - Jenn

P.S I hope that cupcake biscuit was a dog biscuit because I gave it to the Sock at lunch.
**************************************

From: "Margarita"

To: "Jennifer"

Subject: Re:Portia

Sent: Mon 5/28/2007 14:50:17

OMG, are you joking!! or are you serious!! that cupcake thing was a bathbomb! Are you joking!! I can't tell! Gita

********************************************************************************

From: "Jennifer"
To: "Margarita"
Subject: Re:Re:portia
Date: Mon, 28 May 2007 15:05:01

No, i'm not joking. Why would they make a bath bomb look like a cupcake? I've gotta go
***************************************************************************
Rest assured, dear readers, the sock is fine

CSI:Mummy

I can't remember if I've blogged about this already or not and since I only got about 3 hrs sleep last night I'm just gonna assume that I haven't.

There's a pic of my favourite counter surfer, Portiacakes. She regularly saddles up to the counter and checks to see if we've left anything in the Portia-zone. We usually now scare her off by placing some un-set mousetraps on the edge (she's terrified of them) but recently, I forgot to put them back. Fast forward to 4am Saturday morning when someone started horking up something strange. Although squicked out by puke (I mean, who isn't!) as a mum, I need to know what made my baby throw up! Was it the new food? Did she accidentally eat some weeds that I sprayed in the backyard? Has she found something that could really hurt her?

The answer is usually she got something she wasn't supposed to get, and while it made her sick, it's not harmful. But I can't help feeling a little like a CSI as I try to figure out what was in her tummy. On Saturday, I could regularly identify the remains of a milkshake cup from the Marble Slab but there was something else in her tummy that I couldn' t figure out and it's been bugging me since.

Until I sat down at the computer this morning and Portiacakes came to join me in the office. She immediately went to the corner and started pulling apart something. I snatched it away from the Jaws of Death and have my 4am mystery solved. What was it that Portia had eaten in addition to a plastic milkshake cup, you ask?

A White crayon.

Another mystery solved by your local CSI Mummy.

Time for a new to-do list!

Gang, I gotta pile of stuff to work on and I'm not gettin' any of it done. It's time for a list!!

1. Go to home depot and get that waterproofy tape stuff as my shower head sprays water all over while I'm in there. Place is soaked by the time I get out, and I only take about 8 minutes in there!
2. Paint downstairs bathroom. This one has been on the burner since before Dad died. Naturally, I got sidetracked at that point and kinda forgot about it but now it's back on the menu!
3. Call 1-800 Got Junk and clean out the house. Seriously, how is it I own half this stuff??
4. Work on my book! Ashleigh has been sending me her installments and I've been lax in sending her my stuff as I decided to change my plot (why I waited till page 204 to do this is a mystery but there you have it!)
5. Put laundry away. This one should be a no-brainer and yet there it sits. All clean and in the basket.
6. Get some work done - I'm at home today and the work is in my car. Must get it out and get to it. I have responded to some emails but must get serious!!
7. Clean kitchen. Sigh. Kitchen. Things are desperate down there.
8. Call Sears about cleaning vents.
9. Figure out what parts I need to do maitenance on house humidifier
10. Call Shaw and order greek channel! Wait, I have the bill right here, I can call right now!!

I'll let you know how it all turns out!

Life with Rocky
People who haven't met Rocky don't understand Rocky. What makes him bark? He can't possibly bark as much as you say. He can't be that high strung. You're making it up!!

Press Play, if you dare.

It's official. . .I'm a bee-yatch . . .

So the other day, I was driving down Macleod Trail. I was way up by Avenida, you know - where the speedlimit is 80km/h. And this joker in front of me was doing 50 (FIFTY!! OMG!! - so annoying!) . So I was FINALLY able to find a gap in the fast moving traffic and pass them. As I did, I noticed a sign on their back passenger window that said "Jesus Saved Me" and I kid you not my immediate first thought was, "Oh yeah, well too bad he didn't teach you to DRIVE!! Moron!"

True story.

Simple Life

One of Portia's favourite things to do is lie down on my bed and look out the window. I keep my curtians closed most of the time when I'm at home for the simple fact that I don't want the neighbors to see me in my house clothes (read: ratty old shorts and a tank top) but in the morning, before I go to work, I crank the curtains open for Portia. She loves it so much, that even if she is downstairs, once she hears the curtains she comes barrelling upstairs immediately. Then she carefully lies down with her front paws on my pillows, and rests her chin down, usually sticking her face through one of the openings in my iron headboard. And she starts watching. Her eyes flicker here and there, their attention being caught by a tree blowing in the wind, or a car on the way to work. I think she spends most of her day up there (judging by the amount of dog fur I find on my bed). And sometimes, when I come home, as I enter the laundry room, I hear a frantic scrambling and thumping as she launches herself off my bed and comes crashing downstairs to say hi to me. But once the hellos are over, it's back upstairs to the bed and the scenic view it offers.

I've got a bee in my bonnet!
So, Jenge has been given the task by our Greek teacher of emailing students who are missing and telling them the homework. However, Jenge is extremely busy this month with swimming lessons at the school, the drama production and her own greek homework and last week, she missed a student. When said student showed up at Greek class and didn't have her homework done, she said it was because she didn't get an email from Jenge. And the teacher said that Jenge had to make extra sure she emailed everyone.

What?

Are you frakking kidding me? Those who are in the class KNOW that on an average week, we cover 4 pages in class. So if you miss, do the next 4 pages! If I miss, I dont' even ask Jenge or Ann what I missed, I just work ahead. So far, no troubles. Why? because I am a (semi) intelligent adult and realize that if I miss class, I'm responsible for ME!

And if YOU are missing class isn't it YOUR responsibility to find out what the homework was? Or work ahead? Are you telling me that you are 30-something years old and if someone doesn't email you to tell you EXACTLY what to do, you can't figure it out?? To me this is symptomatic of people not taking responsibility for themselves. Give me a break!!

On the mend!

So, as some of you may know, I was felled by an extreme allergic reaction to some antibiotics starting about this time last week. I'm happy to report that I'm on the mend! Instead of looking like some mutant extra in a bad horror film on communicable diseases, I can now be looked at without small children screaming in horror. Oh, it was bad, mes amis! So bad! Even Jenge didn't want to look at me! I felt like my body had betrayed me! How could it mistake antibiotics that were helping us with some foreign invader sent to destroy us? And why did it wait until the second last dose to freak out? Who knows.

And if you see me out and about - try not to look at my feet or legs - they are still recovering.

Like, no way!

There's a shortage of workers right now in Calgary. We're so booming that it's tough for retail businesses to get peeps to work for them. Consequently, we're tapping a younger and younger workforce. I had the longest checkout experience of my life last night at Safeway. My cashier was 15 at best, as was the courtesy clerk.

Being really thirsty, I had picked up a Snapple and when I got to the till, I asked her to scan it first so I could crack it open and start drinking it. The clerk said to me, "I like never wait to get it scanned. My boyfriend and I like open them like up, and then we like, drink half of it and then when we like get to the till, we're like, oh, do we have to like, pay for this? and they are always like, ya and we're like, well whatever. This one time we got, like, kicked out of the store and told, like, not to come back but we went back and she was, like, didn't I kick you out and we were like, uh I dunno, whatever!"

I kid you not. Then the cashier started talking about someone batting a light bulb and being afraid that it was going to fall and break on the bed and I swear to god, I didn't know if she was talking about her boyfriend or her cat until she summed up the entire story with:

"Sigh - Boys are, like, soooooooo stupid."

And they wouldn't stop talking to me. Even as I was trying to grab my receipt and walk away. I swear she was holding it hostage.

Don't get me wrong, I've been known to still talk like a valley girl at my ripe old age of 31, but these girls. . . It was a whole different language with different social cues. As soon as one started talking about her boyfriend, the other one had to top that story. And then that story had to get topped and then they would look at each other with partially blank stares. And I wanted to reach over and start scanning my own groceries.

Longest checkout experience of my life!

Spring has Sprung

Forget the Farmer's almanac. Pay no attention to the ground hog. Don't listen to the meteorologist. The best indication that spring is finally here has officially happened!

Portia has started 'blowing' her coat.

That's what it's called when a dog starts losing thier winter undercoat due to warmer weather. Last night, Portia and I sat down for her groomies (which she LOVES!!) and instead of the usual ten minutes, it took me almost thirty! I kept getting more and more hair - the thick, dense white fluffy hair underneath her multicolored fur. I came away with enough to build a whole other Portia!

Rocky has no coat to blow since Jenge got him trimmed short for summer when we came back from Mexico. That's his new haircut to the left. Doesn't he look sharp?

TV Junkie

My name is Squirrelly girly and I am a tv junkie.

I love to watch tv. Good shows, bad shows - it doesn't really matter. I find alot of people these days turn their noses up at TV. They say there's nothing good on, it's all crap - to which I reply - you must be a boring person with no personality if you can't find at least one show you tune in weekly to watch. TV is kinda like magazines - there is something for everyone! Not that it's all good. Some of it's bad. Some of it's so bad, it makes it full circle and becomes good again! Some of the shows Jenge and I watch, we spend the entire hour ripping apart the story, the dialogue the scenery - but we have a blast doing it. Here's a list of what I'm currently watching:
1. Stargate SG-1
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. 24 (I'm new to it this season so for those of you who say that this year sux, I don't know any better!)
4. Grey's Anatomy
5. Supernatural
6. Numbers
7. Gilmore Girls
8. Bones
9. CSI's - I watch them all in re-runs on Spike TV and the History channel.
10. Discover Civilization channel - you can find out so much by watching this! Of course, none of it will ever come in handy, but damn! I'm like an expert on the Egyptian Culture of the Apis Bull now!

I've also been known to tune into several movie channels just for the hell of it. Last night I watched Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (seriously, can you get better looking than Paul Newman? Not humanly possible) and Son of Frankenstein (Jenge came down halfway and was like "Is this supposed to be funny?" and I said, well no - it was made in the 30's and was quite serious then but now we view it as kinda campy).

There's nothing like a weekend of veggin out in front of the telly. Currently, Jenge is watching the Lost World on Space. In her own words, it's kinda bad, but I sat down and watched a couple of minutes anyway.

So stand up, tv junkies and be proud!

Best Vaycay Ever!

Well, I'm back from my vacation. The laundry is complete, the suitcase is unpacked and all is back to normal.

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

It was the best vacation ever!

We stayed in an all inclusive resort - The Samba. The staff was wonderful, the food was good, the drinks were free. What more can I say?

Jenge and I went on 3 excursions as well. On Monday we went Zip-lining (so awesome and we have pictures to prove it!). On Thursday, we went swimming with dolphins and sea lions (that's Monico above, such a sweetie pie! He gave us all a kiss). On Friday, we went for a jeep ride through the Sierra Madres, topped off by a barbeque on a private beach and then tequila shots on the ride back. Fantastic! I also went kayaking (first time ever! and I have the scars to prove it!) and on the Sierra Madre tour, Jenge got to hold a tarantula and let it climb up her shoulder!

Jenge had to give serious consideration at the end of the tour about whether or not she was going to chuck it all back in Calgary and stay in Puerto Vallarta and become a dolphin trainer. In the end, she decided that it would be too hot for Rocky.

Vaycay!

Whoo hoo! My vacation is finally here! I'm packed up to spend a fun filled, sunny week somewhere in Mexico.

Don't know exactly where. Why you ask? Because in trying to "grow" as a person, I have left all the travel details to Jenge. She booked us, knows where we are staying, knows the buffet menu, has been buying our stuff for us, booked the puppies in a doggy resort and has all my tickets.

Normally, I would be online right about now researching my vacation, planning out my days, getting maps of the city, seeing the hotel on its website but this time it's Fly-By-The-Seat-Of-Her-Pants Gita who's in charge!

Ack! I hope it all works out!

Calendar Girl

Yes, mes amis, it's that time of year again. The time where Stage Mother Gita comes out full force and shines her baby up! It's time for the 2008 ARF Calendar Submissions!

This is OUR year! I KNOW it!